I’m proud of myself. I’m really starting to get better at wrestling actual matches. I mean I still don’t win as much as I want to but I actually have a fighting chance if I work harder. I think it’s really just the fear of being defeated. But once that’s gone you’re just left with a sport that you love and you just give it your all. Though, a major thing that I have to improve on is believing that I belong on the mat oh and my attitude towards myself, to be confident in all my matches.

I love you, you know. Its okay though :3 I’m getting over it. I’m not swallowing my feelings and I know you know. But its okay, I won’t ask for you back. The good part is that I don’t feel sad or angry about you. I’m doing fine without you, but I still miss you. :3 I’m just happy I can admit that without being sad anymore.

So I have this personal project of mine. It might sound stupid but its okay. Its basically something like I learn to accept complements and to believe them. Its one of my projects to help me build confidence in myself. Something that I never really had till now. And its really working. I really think that everyone with low self esteem should do this. Every time someone complements you, write it down. Just so every time you don’t feel good, just look through it. Oh and this might work for people that feel sad too.

P.S and for those of you that feel lonely, remember that you can’t love someone till you love yourself. Oh and don’t fish for complements because that won’t make you feel better.

To be honest even if I feel really lonely sometimes, I still don’t want a relationship. Only because I don’t want my loneliness to be the reason why I’ll like or love someone. Plus I know I have really great friends. That’s really all I need. Honestly, I have the best fucking friends I could ever have and I am entirely grateful.

Live with a strong mind and heart. Nothing is going to hurt you that way, learn to defeat your demons. It’s not about fighting them off anymore, it’s about being strong enough to destroy them. And realizing that you are worth way more than you think. If you can do that, nothing can make you happier.

P.S: Never settle for things you think you deserve because, you’ll always deserve more.

The person I miss, doesn’t exists anymore. Thats why I’m doing fine~

To be honest I feel really lonely. So lonely that I feel like its eating me up slowly. And I feel like the only was to not feel lonely is to love someone new. But I know that I don’t want to be in a relationship, at least not for now, especially since I’ve seen it too many times. I may have not experienced it but I know well enough that when people are lonely, they look for anyone and everyone to fill that void. And when they choose anyone, they end up fucking themselves over. Mean I know I have my friends but it feels like the past all over again hmmm? I really hate it, and I’m trying so hard to push off my demons. I have gotten stronger but I’m not strong enough yet.

Tonight was the most fun I had in awhile. Lol Jade, Brian, Christian, and I went to ward today. First we went to eat at big city diners then we walked all the way to this cool coffee shop. I loved it. And apparently Brian lied to Michael to get him to come to ward with us lol. Anyway we went to ward and we saw so many people from school there x.x they went to watch sinister and we were gonna too but then we watched perks of being a wallflower. It was such a good movie! Its actually kind of depressing but really good. After the movies we dropped off Christian then when crusing around aiea. First we went to a park but then Brian got scared so we went to wallmart lol. Then we went to Aiea high school and walked around lol. It was scary as fuck x.x but the stars there were just beautiful :3 then we got scared so we sprinted to the car and went home lol. This actually sounds so lame but, I though it was really fun.

Because at night when my body is resting. My mind doesn’t. And currently, its racing with thoughts. With thoughts that haunt and taunt me about the different times. Because my thoughts dwell in the past and look forward to the future; The present does not exist in this mind. It is only a transition to where I want to be. And right now, I just want to be me.